Altered Ego Entertainment         

Heartbreak Tango  by Frederic Colier

Characters:    ART, mid-twenties, Navy seaman, first class petty officer

            CECIL, mid-twenties, Navy seaman, second class petty officer

            Young Pretty Woman, late twenties.

  

A shady dock in a foreign port of call. Upstage is the sea. A warehouse in background, left. Concrete blocks, a crane, and some wooden crates stacked up in front of it. A lamppost struggling to brighten up the night's heavy darkness. Its halo of light suffuses the bank with an ominous violence. A rusty bollard near the lamppost. Lit bulbs of distant boats sprinkle the night in the distance.

 

A Young Woman in a mini-skirt stands in the proximity of the lamppost, upstage. She carries a purse, which dangles in her hand as she paces back and forth. She comes in and out of the shadow and light. She smokes a cigarette, takes a drag, and blows the smoke out with her head shooting towards the stars. She appears to be waiting.

                                                                               

 

                                            SCENE 1

ART and CECIL step out of the night, in civilian clothes. They have been drinking and are returning to their ship. They do not notice the Young Woman. A ship whistle blows in the distance.

 

ART

(Off)

 Wait for me.

CECIL

Come on, we're late. You’ve heard the whistle.

 

ART

(Off)

 Not a word. Not even an explanation.

CECIL

Not again.

ART

 

I’m a good guy.

 

(He drops to his knees. CECIL stares at him.)

 

CECIL

 

The whole week you've been crying, enough now.

 

ART

 

I don't give a shit if it's one week or five years. I'm aching like hell.

 

CECIL

 

You won't get her back. Drill that into your thick skull.

 

(ART is too drunk to get up on his own. CECIL helps him up.)

 

ART

 

Let's go for another drink. I need something to numb the pain.

 

CECIL

 

You can't even walk straight.

 

ART

 

Just one more. There’s no better passion killer in the whole world . . .  Then we’ll go dancing.

 

CECIL

 

It's curfew, man.  I don’t know how to dance.

 

ART

 

Screw the curfew. I teach you to dance.

 

CECIL

 

We’re going to get caught again. I don’t want to pay for your shit.  The Turk’s on graveyard shift.  He’s a mean mother.

 

ART

 

What kind of friend are you? It won't be the first time we're late. Screw the sanction. What can they do to us? Give us some extra duties? Quarter restriction? Who gives a shit?

 

CECIL

 

I can’t afford to be fined again.

 

ART

 

(Seizes his wallet and throws money at him.)

 

Big fucking deal! Who needs money when you're stranded in Timbuktu? . . .

 

(Pause)

 

You and your mama.

 

CECIL

 

What about my promotion?

 

ART

 

You don't understand. You’ve never been in love.

 

CECIL

 

Shut up or I’ll kick your ass.

 

ART

 

It's true. You don’t know what it’s like. Who did you last love—apart from your mother? I’ve never seen you with anyone.

 

CECIL

 

Man, you get vicious when you’re drunk.

 

ART

 

 “You get vicious when you’re drunk.” Sounds like a pussy.

 

(CECIL walks away.)

 

Wait! Please, wait, wait! Don't leave me alone.

 

(Catches up with him.)

 

CECIL

 

You stink of misery.

 

ART

 

(Clings to CECIL's shirt.)

 

Just one more drink—to numb the pain.

 

CECIL

 

It’s just a rough patch. You'll be fine. Let's go.

 

ART

 

I'm bleeding, man. I've got live wires in my head.

 

CECIL

 

I’m beat. I don't want to spend the night in this rat hole. You go on alone.

 

ART

 

Fine! Go ahead. Go! Screw you. I can stay on my own.

 

(He sees the bollard and sits on it.)

 

I'm not scared. I'm tough. I’ll survive.

 

CECIL

 

Yeah right . . .

 

(He walks away.)

 

ART

 

Get the hell out.

 

 (CECIL keeps on walking.)

 

   If you only knew what I’m going through, you fucking pussy, you’d be more of a friend.

 

CECIL

 

(Comes back flying at him, grabs him by the throat)

 

 Stop calling me names or I’ll knock the piss out of you.

 

(He raises his fist.)

 

ART

 

Go ahead. Do it! Do me this favor. Put me out of my misery.

 

(Falls to his knees.)

 

CECIL

 

 What the hell do you want?

 

ART

 

I want her back!

 

CECIL

 

You can’t have her back. She’s gone. Gone. No magic.

 

ART

 

Why did she leave me?

 

CECIL

 

Look at yourself. You're pathetic.

 

ART

 

 She’s killing me.

 

CECIL

 

You'll get over it.

 

(He pushes him away. ART falls down.)

 

ART

 

I'll never get over it. I don’t want to get over it. I can’t even face tomorrow. Seems unbearable. I’ve got butterflies in the belly and I’m shit scared, knowing I’m never going to see her again. I can't take it.

 

CECIL

 

You’re one of a kind.

 

ART

 

You talk to her, she’ll listen to you. You’re good with words. I make mistakes.

 

CECIL

 

Let's go to sleep.

 

ART

 

Help me.

 

CECIL

 

Too late.

 

ART

 

Help me.

 

CECIL

 

Go and talk to McMullen then.

 

ART

 

Who’s McMullen?

 

CECIL

 

Mental Health Department.

 

ART

 

I’m not crazy.  I’m heart-broken . . . I’ll pay you well.  Write her a letter. She’ll listen to you.

 

(ART wants to give him money but he falls to his knees. Cecil grabs him by the arm and pulls him up.)

 

CECIL

 

Come on, we’re going to mess our records. We’ve got five minutes to make it back.

 

ART

 

Help me get her back.

 

CECIL

 

Your breath stinks.

 

ART

 

You know how to do it.  Just write her a letter.

 

CECIL

 

Okay, I’m carrying you back.

 

(ART fights him off.)

 

ART

 

Why did she have to do this to me? She kicks me in the balls and doesn’t even tell me why.

 

CECIL

 

She’s through with you.

 

ART

 

I love her so much. I would have dropped the whole world at her feet.

 

CECIL

 

Get real. I hate doing this, but . . . with what? Washing powder? A big picture full of soapy bubbles.

 

(He pretends to blow bubbles out.)

 

You're only a seaman working in the laundry room, for crying out loud. She’s a high-flier. Heavy maintenance. You could never have measured up. Sooner or later, she would have dumped you for someone else—a jackass with crocodile shoes and a million-buck smile.  Sooner or later, she would have gotten bored with your neatly-pleated promises.

 

ART

Who the fuck are you?

 

CECIL

 

 Your best friend. Believe me, I'm doing you a favor.

 

(Pause)

 

ART

Oh Arlene. If only you knew how much I love her . . .  If only you knew.

 

CECIL

                                I wish I didn’t.

 

 

(The Woman smoking coughs several times. She resumes her walk, spinning her purse without paying attention to them.)

                                                                               

 

SCENE 2

 

                Both men look at the Woman.

 

ART

There's someone over there.

 

(He straightens his clothes)

 

A whore! I’ve got an idea.

 

(He walks towards her.)

 

CECIL

 

Hey, hey, hey, wait a sec.

 

(He catches up with him.)

 

She's waiting for someone.

 

ART

 

Yeah, her next Johnny boy.

 

(He tries to free himself.)

 

CECIL

 

(Holds him back)

 

 Or her husband, her brother.

 

ART

 

I’ll be all of that for her.  She can help me.

 

CECIL

 

She doesn’t move like a whore.

 

ART

 

She walks like one. Look at her, the way she's dressed and spins her purse. The way she just turns around on her heels.

 

CECIL

 

How little you know about women . . . Maybe she’s just come from a nightclub.  She’s been dancing.

 

ART

 

Fifty bucks.

 

CECIL

 

Let's get going.

 

ART

 

It won't take long.

 

CECIL

 

Man, why are you doing this?

 

ART

 

The pain. I got the feeling she might be able to help, since you won’t help me.

 

CECIL

 

I wouldn't trust a hooker in a foreign place. It’s a sure set up. Two guys are probably hidden somewhere, ready to have a closer look at your wallet.

 

ART

 

Good, I’m too ready for them.

 

(He punches a fictitious opponent.)

 

CECIL

 

 (pulls him away)

 

Let’s go.

 

ART

 

It’s a blessing.  I get laid, I get her out of my system.

 

CECIL

 

What about that drink instead?

 

ART

 

This is a hundred times better than a drink.

 

CECIL

 

Two minutes ago, you swore you only loved one woman.  I don’t get it anymore.  What is your problem?

 

ART

 

She's probably already fucking someone else, for all I know.

 

CECIL

 

And now you’re going to fuck someone else? You kept pushing her away. You asked for it.

 

ART

 

I never stopped loving the fucking bitch.

 

CECIL

 

She looked good in public. You could be the captain of your own ship, with a beautiful trophy

 

ART

 

Fuck you man. Be a pal or fuck off.

 

CECIL

 

Same with all your letters. They all sounded like bells and whistles, but no sincerity. A big soapy mouth you’ve got. You’ve been in the laundry business too long.

 

ART

 

You write her then.

 

CECIL

 

I’m not getting involved with this.

 

ART

 

Who are you? I'm down on my knees . . .

 

CECIL

 

I'm trying to help. The old story: Adam loves Eve, but Eve gets bored with Adam, so she ditches him. Adam gets pissed off and blames her for his misery, and becomes an eternal cry-baby.

 

ART

 

She’s killing me.

 

CECIL

 

And all you can think of for curing your little heartache is to rush round the corner and buy some cheap, random, love?

 

ART

I had a friend back home. A Russian, larger than a volcano. No one messed with him.  Because everyone knew if you fucked him he would fuck you back. “Someone shoots at you, you shoot back at them,” he used to say to me.

 

(They hear the ship’s whistle blowing in the distance. The final warning.) 

 

CECIL

 

Come on, let's get moving.

 

ART

 

I don’t give a shit.

 

CECIL

 

You’re a pain in the ass.

 

ART

 

You go.

 

CECIL

 

(Pulls him up)

 

You just don’t get it.  She doesn't love you!

 

(Fists go flying. CECIL begins to walk away. ART remains alone. ART moves towards the Woman. CECIL stops walking and observes ART.)

 

ART

 

(To Woman who checks the time on her watch.)

 

 It’s dark tonight. I was walking back to my ship and lost my way. Perhaps, you could help me find it again . . .  You’re waiting for someone?  . . . Me too, so to speak. I'm in town for only a couple of days . . . and looking for a good time. You could show me around. We could go dancing? I’ll buy you a drink. How’s that?

 

(Woman keeps on ignoring him, to-ing and fro-ing past him.)

 

There's a bar, two streets down. How’s that sound?

 

(CECIL drags ART by the elbow away from the Woman.)

 

CECIL

(To her)

 

Excuse my friend. His mother just died. He’s very upset.

 

ART

 

 (To her)

 

Just a quick one?

 

CECIL

 

What the hell do you think you're doing?

 

ART

 

(To her)

 

You choose where.

 

CECIL

 

Over my dead body. We’re going back to the ship.

 

ART

 

See, she likes me. Someone does . . .

 

I can feel a fire in my pants.

 

CECIL

 

She's no hooker. Can't you tell? She didn’t even say a word to you. She probably doesn’t even speak English.

 

ART

 

She didn’t walk away, did she? All the whores speak English.

 

CECIL

 

We’ve got three minutes to make it back. Her man's going to be here anytime. I don’t want any trouble with the locals. They’d kill us for sport if they had a chance. Think about me then. My promotion. I’m twelve months shy of being promoted.

 

ART

 

I can smell a bitch a mile away.

 

CECIL

 

Yeah, I can tell.

 

ART

 

Don't even go there, you prick.

 

CECIL

 

You couldn't smell shit even in your own litter box.

 

ART

 

I’ve been nothing but a friend to you. You’re wearing my socks tonight for all I know. Show me a little respect.

 

CECIL

 

Do you want them back? Huh?

 

(He crouches down and removes the socks, tosses them at him.)

 

 There. We’re even now. So now let’s go.

 

(Pause)

 

ART

 

(He picks up the socks and unfolds them. He hangs one in front of his penis.  To CECIL, then the Woman.)

 

Don’t I look pretty?

 

(The Woman coughs again, looks at her watch.)

 

(CECIL grabs him. ART frees himself from CECIL's arm. He runs back to the Woman.)

 

ART

 

How much?  . . . How much do you want? Twenty? . . . Fifty?  . . .

 

(Gets money out of his wallet and shows it to her.)

 

So what do you say? Not enough? Christ! More? You speak English? You habla el ingles? What’s up with you?  Say  something . . . That’s what it is, you don’t like me either? You could show me some respect at least.

 

CECIL

(Shouting.)

 

You take responsibility for your actions. I have to think about my future. I’m gone.

ART

Just a minute. She’s giving me a hard time.

 

(The Woman checks the time, yawns, and walks off. ART lets out a peal of laughter. Then the laughter fades into a morose pitch.)

 

Do you think she’s already got someone else?

 

CECIL

 

She reeked of troubles miles away.

 

ART

 

Shut up!

 

CECIL

 

She had bad news written all over her face. How could you ever fall for someone like her?

 

ART

 

(Wants to hit CECIL but stops short. He collapses instead and cries.)

 

Don't talk about her this way. You didn’t know her like I did.  She was a good girl.

 

(CECIL comes close to ART. They look at each other. CECIL seizes ART’s arm. ART fidgets to free himself.)

 

I feel like a sinking ship. I can’t move. I’m not moving.  I’m jumping ship.

 

CECIL

                               

All right. I tell you what, we go back on board and I’ll write the letter to the fucking bitch.

 

ART

 

(They stare at each other. ART puts his arm around CECIL. They walk towards the ship.)

 

Couldn't have a better pal in the world. I knew it.

 

                                                               

 

SCENE 3

 

                In the distance, we hear the thrilling sound of the whistle coming from the ship announcing that they missed the curfew.

 

CECIL

 

Damn it! You've heard? We can't go back now.

 

ART

 

                                We’ll be fine. We go back and get booked.

 

CECIL

 

I’m not taking a sanction for you.  The Turk can’t stand us.  I’m not going back until he’s off again. You go back. I’m staying.

 

ART

 

                                Let me handle him.

 

 

CECIL

 

He got Kolinsky and Turber two days for being three minutes late last week.  I need my days to go back home, and I don’t want another entry in my record.

 

ART

 

Don’t be so pissed off. It won’t be the first time we get sanctioned.

 

CECIL

 

There’s something wrong with you if you can’t see what’s at stake for me here.

 

ART

 

Okay, I fucked up.  I’m sorry. . . So I guess, we're stuck out here, just you and I.  Under God's vault, for the night. Let the Almighty embrace us. The whore’s walked away and we can’t go back.

 

CECIL

 

You piss me off, man.  Always getting in shit trouble because of you.

 

(CECIL pushes him off.)

 

ART

 

Reminds me, once she got pissed off at me because  . . . over nothing.

 

CECIL

 

Not again.

 

ART

 

All these nasty things she wrote me. When you love someone, you don't write stuff to hurt them.

 

CECIL

 

I said I wasn’t interested.

 

ART

 

She called me a hypocrite. She said I was pathetic, two-faced, shallow, immature.  Do you realize she called me pathetic?

 

CECIL

 

That proves she really loves you.

 

ART

 

Yeah?

 

CECIL

 

Of course!

 

(He bursts into laughter.)

 

What do you expect? You’re out six months of the year, and when you’re home you’re drunk half the time. Hell, if I was in love with someone ignoring me I’d get pretty wild.

 

ART

 

I wrote her twice, three times a week.

 

CECIL

 

Who cares about letters. When you love someone you don’t want to be apart from them. Find someone on board. It’ll be so much easier.

 

ART

 

(Gets a folded letter out of his pocket and reads it.)

 

 Listen to this. No, listen: “ . . . there is no way for me to ever forgive you,” I read this shit and I ask myself, what the fuck have I done? That's not love. It's got to be something else.

 

CECIL

 

(Yanks the letter away.)

 

Enough with this letter business. I'm sick and tired of hearing about it.

 

(He crumples it.)

 

ART

 

No! No! Don't do that!

 

(CECIL tosses the letter into the water.)

 

Man, you had no right! None!

 

(He wants to kick him.)

 

CECIL

 

Shut up! We talk and talk about you, but what about me? Do you realize how vital this promotion is for me? You may not care about your future, but I want to become a petty officer. Do you understand that?

 

(Pause)

 

ART

                               

None of that would have happened if you had written her a letter sooner.

 

CECIL

 

Now you’re going to do as I say. Tomorrow morning, we go back on board and you go and talk to McMullen. She can help you.

 

ART

 

I give you my blue shirt.  You know that one with—

 

CECIL

 

No bargain. I’m serious. I don’t know anyone who behaves like you do.  You’re like a . . . It’s as if you’re sick in the head.

 

ART

 

You love wearing it. You’re my best buddy.  I’d be happy for you to have it.

 

CECIL

 

Shut up! I don’t want to hear another word coming out of your mouth. You can’t let Arlene rule your world anymore. You’ve got to clean your mess. It’s stinks. You’ve got to take care of yourself.  Get your strength back. It takes a lot of courage to face your weakness. To admit to yourself that things are not quite the way you expected them to be.

 

ART

 

They could have been with just a letter.

 

CECIL

 

The sooner you take care of yourself the better you can resume your life on board.  You have to come out clean.

 

ART

 

I’m just heartbroken.

 

CECIL

 

There’s something wrong with you. There’s nothing normal about the way you react.  Is there a family history?

 

ART

 

What do you mean?

 

CECIL

 

Any wackoes, weirdoes, in your family? . . .  Any ghost in the closet you never told me about?

 

ART

 

Now you watch it.

 

CECIL

 

Hey, I won’t tell anyone.  I’m trying to help here. If you hadn’t dropped from the course, you would have learned how to assess troupe’s behavior in combat. Teamwork is paramount for successful mission. They push you hard in that direction. They tell you that under stress, everyone reacts differently. But bad fighters are to be watch closely. Erratic behavior is a dead giveaway. They may pretend to be in control, to act confidently, but the slightest obstacle and everything comes gushing forth. They put the survival of the team in jeopardy.

 

ART

 

I’m not crazy!

 

CECIL

 

Take a look at yourself.

 

ART

 

 Hey, I’m sane.

 

CECIL

 

Oh yeah?  What about becoming petty officers?  It was your idea to apply for the program together. You make great discourses about your career and what we are going to do together, and two months into the program you drop out so that you can keep on drinking without being bothered. What do you call that? Sane behavior? You’ve got problems.  You’re sick in your mind and it’s destroying you.

 

ART

 

So that’s what this big tantrum is all about?

 

CECIL

 

You don’t care of yourself how could you care about your life.

 

ART

 

(Laughs)

 

Oh brother!

 

CECIL

 

I’m almost through with all the classes and you are going to do the same. Tomorrow you’re going to get your ass in McMullen’s office and resume your classes. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to me: you got me into it.

 

ART

 

Do you want to know why I dropped out? I’ve got something better than a promotion.  I’ve got a secret and I’m going to share it with you.  I’ve been thinking about it for a long time . . .  I need a new life. . . You need a new life too. It’s not a life dragging fucking laundry bags three decks down to the boiler.  We’ve paid our dues.  And what do we get back? We get shit back for it.

 

(Pause)

 

Have you ever wondered what you’d do if you left the Navy?

 

CECIL

 

Have you gone nuts?

 

ART

 

I miss the city, the people. Everyone dresses differently. Going to see the Celtics . . . The life, the snow.  Here, you can’t tell a nail from a hammer.

 

CECIL

 

A hammer from a nail.

 

ART

 

You know what I mean.

 

CECIL

 

It’s safe. If I’m safe, my mother’s safe. And if I’m safe she doesn’t need to worry about anything.

 

ART

 

Come on, if you had your say what would it be? Work at a dealership, sell boats? Your own bar?

 

CECIL

 

I like my life.

 

ART

 

Well, I'd work my way across the country for a year or two, settle somewhere, and then open a float of laundromats. You'd actually be a good person to travel with.

 

CECIL

 

What do you think we’ve been doing for the last year?

 

ART

 

I'm serious. You're clean, responsible, well-organized. You'd be the perfect traveling buddy.

 

CECIL

 

Last month you wanted to open a nightclub, and today . . . Oh, boy!

 

ART

 

It's better than slaving away in that damned steam room for weeks on end. No sun, no light. I don't see my hands cleaning everyone else's dirty laundry for the rest of my life.

 

I’m not smart for these courses and discipline bullshit.

 

CECIL

 

 It's better than no job. Where I’m from there aren’t any jobs.

 

ART

 

You and I could be rich. We could work together, create our own company.

 

CECIL

 

You and I together in the same business?

 

(He bursts out laughing.)

 

ART

 

Sure.

 

CECIL

 

And we could travel together until we find the right spot to pitch our flag.

 

ART

 

Just you and me.  See, I’m not crazy.

 

CECIL

 

Hell. I love it. Fuck that bitch!

 

ART

 

Two years of hard work, and we’re in good shape.

 

CECIL

 

Why me? . . .  So that you run back to her to show her you’re a big guy now?

 

ART

 

You’ve got great business skills and you don’t even know it. You have a way with words. You listen to people.

 

CECIL

 

Give me a break, will you? I know what you’re up to.

 

ART

 

You know I'm for real. I'd never say anything if I didn't mean it. A man of my word. Life can't go on like this forever. Look at us. Rats in a boiling cage. We need to take care of ourselves.

 

(ART comes close to CECIL again and puts his left arm around CECIL's shoulder. CECIL side-glances at him and frees himself.)

 

CECIL

 

What the hell is your problem?

 

ART

 

What? What do you mean?

 

CECIL

 

Twice now you've been trying to hug me. You’re always touching me.

 

ART

 

I just wanted to show you that I appreciate your friendship.

 

CECIL

 

There're other ways. Buy me a beer or something. Just don't touch me. Okay?

 

(They stare at each other)

 

ART

 

 I only wanted to . . . be your friend . . . I didn’t lie when I said I’d make it up to you.  That petty officer stuff, it’s not for us.

 

CECIL

 

I’m not writing her a letter.

 

ART

 

Does this mean you don’t want to be in business with me? I’m giving you a hell of a deal here. A lifetime opportunity.

 

CECIL

 

She’s gone. Gone! G-O-N-E! . . .

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